say it ain't so, i will not go

i wish that once you met someone new, every other guy in your past would just fade away and disappear so that nothing would hold back the potential for love. in my life, it never works out like this. i realized that i have trouble letting go of the past. maybe that's why guys and girls shouldn't stay friends after the relationship ends.

i also realized i have trouble figuring out which guy i really like and which guy i am just friends with and which guy i am just sexually attracted to. i like guys. i like a lot of guys, but i don't love any. i don't feel love at first sight, i don't feel an absolute desire for anyone. i don't find myself thinking about any special "him" all day long. time? is that why i am so impatient? these things usually do come with time, but i just want to look at him and know. i want to know that he is what i want more than anything or anyone. i want love and i want it now, but if it came i might be too afraid to stand by it instead of running away.

i don't want to be afraid to love anymore. tragic.