say it ain't so, i will not go

i wish that once you met someone new, every other guy in your past would just fade away and disappear so that nothing would hold back the potential for love. in my life, it never works out like this. i realized that i have trouble letting go of the past. maybe that's why guys and girls shouldn't stay friends after the relationship ends.

i also realized i have trouble figuring out which guy i really like and which guy i am just friends with and which guy i am just sexually attracted to. i like guys. i like a lot of guys, but i don't love any. i don't feel love at first sight, i don't feel an absolute desire for anyone. i don't find myself thinking about any special "him" all day long. time? is that why i am so impatient? these things usually do come with time, but i just want to look at him and know. i want to know that he is what i want more than anything or anyone. i want love and i want it now, but if it came i might be too afraid to stand by it instead of running away.

i don't want to be afraid to love anymore. tragic.

somewhere in her smile she knows

i am still making my way through Pattie Boyd's book Wonderful Tonight and yearn to have lived in London during the 1960s and 1970s more than anything. i would not mind living in a time where it seems like you could virtually do whatever the fuck you want. drugs were something new to everyone, inspiring and influential music was seeping out of every possible corner of the world, new ideas on relationships and religion were coming into play. life seemed limitless. there were only the simpliest boundaries for anyone. i know i have a skewed perception of the time because i have seen the point of view through the eyes of musicians of the time but there are a few concepts and ideas i want to check out.Meditation is a must do. i desperately need to find my center and give myself the peace to sit quietly and look inside myself and my thoughts. creating a mantra to repeat over and over to find that center is important. it will be difficult to make myself turn off the music that constantly plays in the background of my life, but i think it is important to spend time quietly alone. meditation, as i have read, seems to be a different form of a fresh breath of air, which is something worth breathing in.

your tongue is sharp, but i miss the taste of it

today while reading i'm with the band i found the perfect set of mid-year's resolutions for me and since i did not make any new year's resolutions i figured i would start here instead. of course my first resolution is to not ignore my blog for 2 weeks in a row. i do apologize because i had my last week in rome and then a week traveling from vienna to amsterdam to paris. it was a hectic but amazing trip around europe and now that i am back at home and back to the mundane i am ready to roll with my blog. so here is the list of resolutions as taken from i'm with the band.

Resolutions for 1964

1. don't hang on boys.
2. be serious when it's called for
3. try harder on my complexion
4. get better grades
5. concentrate on my figure looking better
6. don't rat my hair so much
7. try to be more feminine
8. be cute every day
9. don't use vulgar language
10. let nails stay long and polished
11. pluck eyebrows every four days
12. shave legs and underarms every week
13. deodorant every day
14. brush teeth twice a day
15. don't waste money on trash
16. don't ruin boys


i realize that some of these resolutions are easy to do and kind of aged, but others (which i am sure you can guess) are better applied to my life. this is just one of three books that i am currently reading. i have to finish harry potter and the half-blood prince before the movie comes out. and i am also reading pattie boyd's Wonderful Tonight. home and without a summer job i am hoping to read about 3 books a week. reaching this goal for the week might be difficult because tomorrow i leave to head back to school for a weekend-long festival. until then i will consider some additions to add onto my mid-year resolutions.

did a double take and she's gone

Heading off to Barcelona today! Won't be able to post anything until Sunday night but I'll probably be too swamped with work to even attempt a blog post! Adios until then!

the moment had passed, like i knew that it should

only 10 days left in rome and i'm ready to get out. spending time in the eternal city has gotten old and tiring, and i'm ready to move on. i've been here for nearly 6 weeks and the feeling of amazement and wonder are lost. i feel more like a resident of rome than ever and need a change of scene...

this doesn't mean that i want home though either. home is the usual, the day to day, a place i will always hold dear in my heart. i need to see the world though. i am ready to see the world. my first trip to europe inspires me to travel far and wide, all across the globe. i want to see australia, africa, south america, asia-- EVERYTHING. elephants, kangaroos, koalas, tigers, lions, anything and everything. the seven wonders of the world or even discover my own seven wonders.

i can say though that i would never want to live in italy. my liking to here is only temporary and i am sure i will remember it fondly, but i would rather get to vacation anywhere in the world than return, i don't feel a need to. italy is marked off my list, as of now. i realize i have not seen everything, but i would rather see another country than come back. returning to italy could be nostalgic and maybe i will some day... but there are too many other places worth seeing to even consider a return.

so for now i will daydream about my adventures across the world (perhaps Anthony Bourdain style?) and read the epic "1000 places you must see before you die"

read between the lines, my self respect has died

Horoscope for today:

You have responsibilities, and you take them (but not yourself) seriously.

how can i read into that? insulting? inspiring? i usually refrain from reading my horoscope until the end of the day. i feel like waiting til i have lived through the day allows me to interpret my horoscope through reflection as opposed to letting the horoscope effect the choices i make throughout the day. i read this one and it really hit a soft spot. do i not take myself seriously? could that be the cause of some of my problems?

life is too short to take seriously though. i hate thinking about it, but in reality tomorrow is never guaranteed. this is not my anthem, this is not always on my mind, but i have thought about it. i just don't really feel like i have enough direction in my life to take myself seriously. i want to succeed and make money, but then again i want to live the life of a dreamer at the same time. i am trapped in a limbo between realistic ambitions and dreamer's ambitions. how do i find a way out? please let me know.

i will keep falling as long as I live, all without ending

i traveled to italy and it wasn't until i got here that i realized how little i knew about living in another country. my friends told me Rome was a pretty Americanized place and of course i was dumb and believed them. there are so many different things i miss from home and did not realize that they would be luxuries in this country. so i have made a list of the top ten things i should not have left home without

1. peanut butter ($6 here for the tiniest jar)
2. salad dressing (apparently oil and balsalmic are the only options around here, if you are even given any options in the first place)
3. television and texting ( i don't watch much at home, but not even having one here is killer)
4. cheeseburgers (the only way to get a cheap one here is the McDonalds YUCK!)
5. driving my Explorer ( that my little sister is probably destroying)
6. PHILLIES! (3 months into the season and i haven't been to one game)
7. American dollars (life with the Euro rapes my bank account)
8. Forever 21 <3 enough said 9. Chocolate chip cookies (the closest baked goods here taste like baked flour) 10. of course MY FRIENDS AND MY FAMILY.. life on my own is harder than i thought


AND... i bought the most fabulous hair clip today... pictures will be posted later!! i doubt they will do it justice though!!

she turned and didn't wait, she left it up to fate

lately i've been thinking a lot about love and a lot about life. notice how there is no thought about love life.. yeah. no matter how happy i feel like i am, there is always that one thing missing. i mean after freakin' all i am in a foreign country studying, traveling, going out to bars, meeting lots of new people, and having the time of my life... but there is always that pressure for love. i once read an article about how the new generation is becoming more and more single-bound because we are all too narcissistic to give up our independent lifestyles. this truth in this idea scares me.i know i am independent, i know i am unwilling to give up my single lifestyle, i know i put myself first, so what? does that make me destined to be alone for the rest of my life? i want love, i want someone, but i want to be myself... sometimes i joke and say that i am incapable of love, but who knows maybe i am? there is a certain point in all relationships where i get afraid of the committment of love. forever is a long time. right now there are love interests, more so interests in me, but i try to live my life instead of worry my way through it.


"a woman's natural mission is to be where she is most appreciated."

once i find that do i find love? i guess we will have to wait and see..

we sit here stranded, though we're all doin' our best to deny it

Beaches back home in Jersey, Delaware, and Maryland pale in comparison to the beaches along the Mediterranean. The water is amazingly clean and blue, it makes me wonder if the Atlantic used to look like that. i spent the day there yesterday frying my skin to a tan crisp and loved every moment of it. For me, the beach is the most relaxing place to go to. It feels so different from the busy life at school and home, my worries crash to the ground like the waves on the shore. i just turn my ipod up and let my thoughts wander. It was sort of awkward being at a beach where the bathing suits were very skimpy and sometimes women were topless... i was tempted to go topless but insecure because i was with a lot of friends. i absolutely love this bathing suit from Victoria's Secret and with all the sales and coupons i am tempted to send it right to my house to wait for me to get back home in 3 weeks.

take my chances on a big jet plane, never let them tell us that we are the same

Shopping day today in Rome. The only thing i let myself buy was a belt from this Spanish store that is on the Corso known as Zara (similar to the belt I posted but with braiding on the sides and a different beading). There first floor has the pricier clothes, but the bottom floor had the cutest clothes with prices you can find in H&M or Forever 21.

Speaking of Spain, next weekend i am going on a trip to Barcelona!!! It is my second to last weekend in Europe, so a bunch of us figured "Hey, let's go across the sea!" i am super excited because that is just another country to add to my list!! Also, speaking of H&M, last weekend in Florence i had some very cute buys in that store as well. Online shopping just may be the death of me... i cannot stand to be living in Rome (where cheap stores usually means cheap clothing) and checking out clothes from forever21 and freepeople makes me depressed that i can't have them delivered here. i suppose all these beautiful clothes will just have to wait to find their way to my closet when i get home.

And so it begins...

Ciao!! Bonjour!! Hola!! Howdy!!

This is entry #1 to the blog of my tousled blonde life. I am studying in Rome until July and as an assignment I had to write a blog on my experiences throughout my time there. Being a school assignment there were some restrictions on how much exactly I could really talk about my life. So that is what I am dedicating this blog to-- stories of friendship, lovers, fashion, laughs, tears, and really whatever I have on my mind at the time. So try to enjoy, tell me what you think, if you don't like it, go ahead and hate it i'll love the input!